why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
