I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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