So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bring me that man meat
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
