so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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