glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
