I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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