I'm sorry my penis didn't work
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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