I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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