Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
