He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
