I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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