I am puke
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
