Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
