It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
