What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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