Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
