Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
