i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
