meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I did not marry a roomba.
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