Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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