The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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