I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
