Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
