There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
