I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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