If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
