So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
