Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She bit a glass in half.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
