if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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