counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
