I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
