im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
