Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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