I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
