i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
