I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
