the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
