Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
