ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
