sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
