Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
