i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
