I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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