i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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