I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
