I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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