Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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