By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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