You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
