I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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