You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
