Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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